Haikus...

Days at the Beach
Salt is in the air.
Some seagulls steal a sandwich.
Waves crash on my heart.
-Chantelle A.G.


Facebook Chatbox
I’m waiting for you
Why are you not online?
I’ll wait one more hour.
-Chantelle A.G.


You Suck
You can’t say those words.
Never were a proper friend.
I hurt more then you.
-Chantelle A.G.


Not About Me
It was just one drink.
One death stopped two lives that night.
Don’t even know you.
-Chantelle A.G.


Mirrorless
One winged butterfly.
A quilt without a pattern.
Flying in circles.
-Chantelle A.G.


English Major
The English language.
It doesn't always look sense.
Harder than it looks.
-Chantelle A.G.


BFF
Friends are always there.
Lying makes me feel better.
Friends are never there.
-Chantelle A.G.


Cutting it Down
Blood covers their hands.
Love never was the problem.
The tree won’t grow back.
-Chantelle A.G.


Shake Your Tail Feathers
I wanted to dance.
The radio went silent.
Listened to the birds.
-Chantelle A.G.

It's okay. We all die eventually.

And for your entertainment today, we have a lovely song for our readers...

Melt My Heart To Stone - Adele

Right under my feet is air made of bricks
That pulls me down turns me weak for you
I find myself repeating like a broken tune
And I’m forever excusing your intentions
And I give in to my pretendings
Which forgive you each time
Without me knowing
They melt my heart to stone

And I hear your words that I made up
You say my name like there could be an us
I best tidy up my head I’m the only one in love
I’m the only one in love

Each and every time I turn around to leave
I feel my heart begin to burst and bleed
So desperately I try to link it with my head
But instead I fall back to my knees
As you tear your way right through me
I forgive you once again
Without me knowing
You’ve burnt my heart to stone

And I hear your words that I made up
You say my name like there could be an us
I best tidy up my head I’m the only one in love
I’m the only one in love

Why do you steal my hand
Whenever I’m standing my own ground
You build me up, then leave me dead

Well I hear your words you made up
I say your name like there should be an us
I best tidy up my head I’m the only one in love
I’m the only one in love.


Story of my life. Right there folks, in lyrical form.


So I know most people don't - and by that I mean no one - read this blog of mine. They're more interested in what I post on my other blogs. And truth told that's the way I like it. I only post boring-one-step-two-step things on this particular spot and then obviously some poetry. I give people the link randomly, but mostly use my google blogger account to track other peoples blogs. Authors in particular. Weird that I'm saying all this when no one will actually read it.

Whatever. It's 3 in the morning. I'm going to bed.
Peace, Love and ME!

This is our Ungodly hour.

Some of my [favorite] poems. In order of newest to oldest. Starting with my latest...


[Untitled at this point]

Sun shines through my lace laden eyes.
I don’t know which to focus on anymore;
The white of it all or
The sin of it.

Pianos play somewhere in the back of my mind.
A memory too pretty to forget.
The repetition of each lyric insignificant to the melody,
Like the beholder to his beautiful one.

Stories become absolute.
Birds continue to flock together, but
The spider breaks her web,
And together we fall apart.

A piano plays somewhere in the back of my mind –
I let the memory fade anyway.
-Chantelle A.G.


Lonely

Lonely girl,
Crying in the night.
Her body rigid and cold,
Full of forgotten desires
All transgressed and transpired.
Shadows etch toward her.
Colder and paler still; her body frays
As the Ghosts come closer.
Are they coming to retrieve or to revive?
She doesn’t know and cannot decide.
Even in death she is unsatisfied.
-Chantelle A.G.


Bruised

Under the bruised night sky,
So black and blue,
I bleed from the wounds your words have left in me.
I find it queer how magnificent you look
In the moonlight.
Purity makes even the blackest of souls beautiful again.
Would it be a lie to say that I still love you?
Desire burns from my head to my toes.
Looking to the stars I plead:
Make this pain go away.
And once again your words are in my head;
Pathetic, you say, weak.
Blood trickles from my eye,
Salty and warm as I literally cry my heart out.
My breath comes shaky and shallow;
A perfect synonym to these motives.
At last I wonder who will find the body?
Under the bruised night sky
So black and blue
I bleed from the wounds your words have left me.
­-Chantelle A.G.


No one

In world with no one
You cannot hate,
Yet never be loved.
You’ll never get angry,
Or ever get a hug.
You’ll never fail,
Yet never succeed;
You’re always trapped,
And always set free.
Because in world with no one:
There’s no one at all
Not even you and me.
-Chantelle A. G.


Background Noise

Everything keeps making noise.
It won’t stop.
It screams.
It yells.
It taunts.

Coming from behind:
It grabs and wraps me in its sound,
Echoing and blasting all around;
It slowly takes and breaks me.

It won’t stop.
It screams.
It yells.
It taunts.
Everything keeps making noise.

I try to catch it; to adjust the sound,
But I can’t reach the volume!

It screams.
It yells.
It taunts.
It won’t stop.
Everything behind me explodes with sound.

I try and try to turn it down,
But I can’t reach the past
I can’t reach that blast
Of noise,
That comes from behind.

Everything keeps making noise.
Everything keeps making noise.
-Chantelle A.G.

Le Sigh...(here we go again)

Something people seem to forget or just don't know about me is that I am extremely self conscious in EVERYTHING I do and say and even think. In my opinion I can't to anything right. I answer every question with pure uncertainty out of fear that I will actually be answering it wrong. Even when the question was asked by me.

It's not the knowledge of my insecurities that most people don't have; it's the understanding of them. And the understandings of how I deal with them. I guess my not so deepest but definitely darkest secret is that I sort of hate myself. You know how people always say if you love yourself others will love you too? I know that is true, which is why I try as hard as possible to stay positive. For instance I know that I am a good writer. I know that I have a knack for making people laugh. I know that I can sing. I know that I get a long with pretty much anyone. I know that my eyes are very pretty. I know that my family loves me and so do my friends and of course my kitty cats and puppy dog. I'm sure it doesn't stop there either.

It's just once I become completely open with a person I feel like I can no longer hide. So I start telling them everything. All of my insecurities poor out in everything I do. I criticize myself outwardly instead of mocking myself in my head. I'm not sure why. I guess that in my mind, if someone now knows my background and why I act the way I do, then they should be able to understand and be okay with my quirky dislike for self. Except, I have noticed that it often works the opposite.

Someone will nag and nag me to open up to them, and when I finally do, they don't know how to react. And I don't know when to stop, so I end up causing people to pull away from me because I'm trying so hard to hold on to them. Great friendships don't come to me often. I don't understand unconditional love from someone other than family, because all of my relationships out of my immediate relatives have been strained and I have had so many people stab me in the back and twist that knife in farther so many times that I don't even feel it when it happens anymore. Except I do.

I feel it more than the average person. When someone calls me a 'bad' name, especially a friend I break down. When a friend gives me the cold shoulder or the silent treatment, I don't know how to act besides break down into a crying fit because I don't know how long it's going to last. I have had friends not speak to me for 6 week or 6 months at a time. And let me tell you something, it sucks being the person no one wants. People say they will never do that to me, but my past shows other wise.

I am a very vulnerable person and I think people feed off that. I have never been the "leader of the pack" in any of my relationships and I think that is pretty obvious to some people and they use that to walk all over me. I wish I could say that I am sick of it and done with it. But I am not. I mean of course I am sick of it, and I want to be done with it, but I won't be able to actually end it until I stick up for myself…but some things are easier said then done, you know?

That's all for now,
Peace, Love and ME